I really appreciated the lesson this week. It got me thinking about things I want to change, start doing and things I hope to do in the future as Gavin grows and as our family grows.
When we were first married Danny suggested we do family council and at first I was a bit skeptical (I wasn't sure how this was going to be different than family night) then he said you can have my full attention while we PLAN as much as you want. That sold it. I was completely on board!
As we had a few of these family councils I quickly became aware of their greater importance (which I should have recognized from the get go). During our family councils we will discuss family related gospel topics, plan for the week or for other things and then share any thoughts or feelings we have about areas that need improvement.
We determined that if a problem or an issue didn't need to be dealt with right away then we could save it for our discussion during family council. One of the greatest pieces of advice that we picked up from listening to For All Eternity by Dr. John L. Lund (I highly recommend reading this book, it is awesome! We have it on CD and have listened to it multiple times.) was that suggestions or requests for change in behavior are much more readily accepted when we ask our spouse when they would prefer to talk about the issue. Dr. Lund even suggests that you use a rating system, 1 being very minor and a 10 being a little harder swallow. That way when you have something you want to bring up you can tell your spouse "Hey I have something I want to talk to you about, it is probably a 4. When would be a good time to talk to you about it?" Then the spouse can mentally be prepared for a request or suggestion for change in behavior, whether they say, "Hit me with it now" or "How about later this evening." This works wonders with me because I tend to get more defensive (something I am working on) and turn what should be a simple discussion into a discussion filled with anger, frustration and even possibly hurt all because I get defensive. Whereas when I know that I have a suggestion coming my way I can be prepared for it.
Anyway...I could talk all day about the great things we have implemented in our marriage because of that book. Seriously, you should read it. I guarantee there will be something that you can use to make your marriages even more awesome than they already are!
Family council has been a great time for us to re-evaluate things and discuss things that each of us can change. I have really grown to love them. I always feel closer to Danny and more on track after we have finished. The counsel in this lesson was really good on how to have an effective family council with your spouse.
My last thought is actually to throw out a question. I love the idea of having interviews with your children and I plan to do that. I always had daddy-daughter dates with my dad that I really cherished. What didn't happen so much was those taboo conversations (aka sex, maturation etc.) and although I lucked out I don't think I want to take the chance with not having those conversations with my kids.
So here's the question...Did your parent's have those conversations with you? Did they go about it well? What made it work or not work? Have you heard of any suggestions that you think will work and are thinking you will use with your own family?
That was more like 4 questions but you get my drift. I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas!
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