Money and Self-worth

Okay, so the week is finally coming to a close-- here is my post, finally. My husband and I actually talked about this lesson for family home evening this week. It really opened up an interesting conversation for us on coveting. We have both realized that this is a trap that we easily get in to. It is easy for me to look at other families with a lot of money and compare their nice house to our 1925 rental. I realize it is so easy for me to confuse self-worth with money. Even if I live in a small, old house for the rest of my life, I can still be great in the eyes of God. Wearing brand new clothes or owning all the nice gadgets have NO bearing on my salvation.

However, it is also important for me to realize that God WANTS to bless me. I find myself swinging to other end of the spectrum and feeling like I need to deprive myself or play the martyr. I have the habit of saying "we can't afford that" which immediately puts me in the "poor me" mind set. I can often veer into being stingy with money. My husband recently has been saying. We actually CAN afford all those things-- it is a matter of priorities and HOW we want to spend our money. This puts me in an empowered position with our money. Yes, I could buy that new shirt, but I would rather use my money to finish paying off our student loan. I am working towards something when I choose not to make the extra purchases. It is so easy to get wrapped up with money and give too much power to it. Money is just money, period. It is a tool we use in life, it does not define our life.

Phil and I have spreadsheet after spreadsheet of budgets. My husband is an accountant and is a master with excel. I think excel is horribly boring, but I love when he makes a budget that allows me to put in a number and it does all the calculations for me. In his spare time at work, he has been looking at a spreadsheet of our potential finances over the next five years! Did I mention my husband likes excel? Anyways, we are also BIG fans of Dave Ramsey and have been working towards getting out of debt. My "overactive security glad" (as quoted by Dave) is looking forward to building up an emergency fund and our food storage. My goal is to come up with a plan to slowly start building a food storage. Because currently, we have 1 1/2 cans of wheat. Jessica is a good example for me-- according to ward gossip, it was hard moving them into their apartment because of all the huge containers of food storage they have.

Speaking of allowing myself to feel "deprived"-- one thing that has helped Phil and I is to have an allotted amount of personal money in our budget. Even if it is just $5 a month, it is wonderful to know that I have some money to buy something for me. I tend to get major guilt trips when I buy things because "we couldn't afford it" or "I shouldn't have" or "a good mormon would sacrifice for the family".  The guilt trip could even be over buying myself a new bra! Having the money allotted to "clothing" or "personal money" helps take away the guilt trip. Like I was mentioning earlier, I feel like I have been learning how to manage my money, not allowing it to manage me.

One last thought, and then I will get off my soap box. Yesterday, I bought a toy for Bronson with some birthday money my mom sent. I went to the store and picked him out some toys. As soon as I got home, I got into major buyers remorse. I questioned whether I could have gotten a better deal somewhere else or if I just made a "bad choice". I have had to remind myself that it is okay to not be perfect with money. I am an IMPERFECT human being. This is a learning process for me. Yes, I may have not gotten the best deal, but hey, I know better for next time around. Beating myself up for not being a perfect thrifty mom only gives me knots in my stomach. When I accept myself and all my imperfections, this empowers me to learn from my mistakes and get up and try again.